


heartsick

by lovemeters



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Eren is heartbroken, Guilty Levi, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jealousy, Loss of Feelings, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessive Eren Yeager, Soft Love, Twisted thoughts, depressed eren, eren is already gone, eren loves levi sooo much, hes like 18 instead of 15 ok, idk what im doing, jealous eren, levi is too late rip, rly angsty, soft, soft Levi, sorta aged up eren??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-02-29 23:45:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18788713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemeters/pseuds/lovemeters
Summary: Eren has always looked up to Levi, ever since he was a small child. He slowly begins to develop feelings for the man, but they soon turn into desperate attempts for Levi to notice him. He tries his best to please Levi, but nothing ever seems to draw his attention. Eren doesn't know how much longer he'll be able to carry on this one-sided love.





	1. high spirits

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic on here !!  
> . . . n this was written at like 4 am so that's why there might b a lot of typos

Soaked in exhaustion, Eren heaved himself upright, the chains noisily clashing together behind him. He scarcely slept that night. The brunette swung his legs off the dilapidated mattress and simply waited for someone to unchain him. With his elbows on his thighs to support him, he let his head slump into his hands, closing his drooping eyes and sighing gloomily. His head was throbbing fiercely, not to mention the excessive sweat that he was drowning in. His grey shirt clung to his drenched back, almost as if it was trying to suffocate him. The teenager hummed to himself softly whilst massaging his temples with his numb fingers. Light footsteps became audible and Eren immediately snapped out of his daydream. Somebody was coming.

He let his wrists drop lifeless beside his sides, his head still hanging. Eren watched Levi come into view from the corner of his eye. A light smile somehow formed on his face. He twisted his head to the side, gazing at him unlocking the cellar door. His mouth dropped slightly, his toned body, the way he moved. Fuck.

Pink dusted his sun kissed cheeks, he sunk his head even lower to hide the blush rapidly spreading on his face. Goosebumps formed on his skin as soon as the corporal's pale fingers touched his arm. Once he was done unchaining the brunette, he stepped out of the cellar, looking back to observe if Eren had started following him.

The titan shifter stared at his wrists, skin tingling exactly where Levi had touched it. It felt so good, he _craved_ it, he needed more. He failed to realise was that he was keeping his superior waiting, and even worse, Levi was frowning again. His eyebrows knit together, making the frustration on his face visible. He stood up, legs trembling with fatigue as he stumbled across the stone floor. His eyelids were threatening to fall shut, right above the dark circles that marked his skin. He was clearly suffering from lack of sleep, yet Levi made no attempt to help him. The adult kept his steel grey hues narrowed, staring at the brunette with impatience, arms folded.

Somehow, Eren managed to make his way over to him, mumbling a small, "sorry." His voiced sounded hoarse, like his voice box had been scratched inside out. The raven made no sound, turning to walk in the opposite direction, leading to the main building. 

The young adult followed him, trying to walk as close to him as possible, blushing softly whenever the fabric of their clothes came into contact with each other. He kept his eyes on the ground, catching sight of his boots from time to time. He had always admired Levi, from the moment he heard about him. He felt  _so_ honoured to meet him, humanity's strongest, looking out for a little shit like him. But then again, he was probably only doing it because of his titan shifting abilities. Bitterness swelled up within him, assuming that the thought of him hadn't crossed Levi's mind at all, but the rest of the survey corps raiding his thoughts instead. Jealousy prickled at his skin, especially towards Hange and Erwin. They were so lucky, always spending time with the well-muscled man.

He squeezed his eyes shut, almost shedding a tear. It hurt so bad, the way he wanted Levi. All he ever wanted was for the corporal to care about him like he cared about others. He wanted him to like him. Eren tried so fucking hard everyday, giving his all into every order that Levi had given to him. It wasn't fucking fair. Why couldn't he like him? Was it because he was a titan? He despised his shifting abilities so much, maybe if he didn't have them then he'd give a damn about the brunette. He didn't realise a low growl rumbling in his dry throat.

Levi's head snapped around, glaring at the young adult who flinched away in turn. "Go get yourself cleaned up and come here for breakfast." He gestured towards the rows of empty seats. "Don't be late." 

Eren nodded his head vigorously whilst watching the male's silhouette mingle with the shadows and eventually disappear. His blood pumped remorse through his veins, he should've said something instead of walking in silence. He curled his fist, his brows furrowing with tension. The corporal's voice still lingered in the air, ringing again and again in his ears, almost loosing the meaning of his orders. He resisted the temptation to melt into it, forcing himself to look up and head towards the showers. 

The thought of others touching Levi's heart succeeded in angering him even more, another growl deepening in his throat. Eren felt like punching someone, or something. He tightened his fist and rammed it into the light painted wall, the impact of it making him yelp in pain. " . . . fuck." 

He felt his knuckles begin to throb wildly as he made his way to the showers. "I've already wasted so much time . . " he hissed at himself in sheer annoyance. 

 

" i'm gonna be late again . . . ugh. " 


	2. disappointment

Eren ripped off his clothes in panic, wincing when the fabric rubbed against his newly formed bruise. A couple of minutes later he turned the shower on. He relaxed at the feeling of warm water sliding down his skin, softening his tense muscles. He leaned against the wall, feeling a little nauseous. The brunette's back glided down the slippery wall, causing him to fall against it.  With his legs splayed out in front of him, he let his head rest on his shoulder, closing his eyes. 

Eren didn't know how long he was in there for, but it was quite a while as his fingers had started to prune up. He could barely focus on anything, let alone showering. He just felt so . . .  _drowsy ._

A soft sigh escaped his lips. He was kneeling on the floor, scooting forward to grab the bottle of shampoo. Eren sat there for a good three minutes trying to squeeze it out as there was hardly any in there. He lazily massaged his scalp, the thought of turning up late completely vanished from his mind. He wouldn't have made it on time either way, even if he had tried his best. He was too overworked. 

It seemed like hours had passed before Eren finally emerged, looking distraught as he realised how late he was. His headache reappeared as soon as he stepped out the shower, which in turn just made everything more challenging. As if it wasn't difficult enough already. The brunette unwrapped the towel clinging onto his thin frame, forcing the damp cloth towards his hair where he scrubbed it in vain. He picked up his underwear and nudged both his legs through the holes, pulling it up to his waist. The pants came next, which were a struggle to get on as the fabric kept trying to fuse with his damp skin. The shirt was probably the easiest to get on and for the gear . . fuck no. He'd put that on after breakfast. 

He walked at a slow pace, trying not to stumble over and embarrass himself in front of everyone. Mikasa and Armin were the first to greet him, though his eyes flew right past them, looking straight at the raven-haired male. The look of disappointment in his eyes was enough to send Eren's world crashing down. He fucked up  _again._

Why couldn't he get anything right?

He hung his head, tears begging to run down his cheeks. He had to keep it in, no one apart from Armin and Mikasa had seen him cry, but that was only when they were young children, he'd never let that happen again. He wasn't _weak_ . . . he was _strong_.

"Did you sleep well last night?" Mikasa's solicitude pulled him out of his anxious assumptions. He grunted, unsure of that himself. He kept waking up during the night . . . but he had multiple dreams about Levi, and each time they ended he'd wake up with tears plastered to his face. They felt so real, often making him wish he would never wake up, though that was unfortunate for him. He _loved_ dreaming, they were the only times he would feel somewhat close to Levi. In the end of all his dreams, the male would always pick someone else over Eren, which deeply upset him. They were just dreams though, they would never be real. Levi would never care about him, never hug him or tell him everything would be okay, never comfort him like he did in his dreams.  

What if he could _make_ him care?

He began to walk towards the tables which were now crowded compared to the last time he had seen them. Eren settled down into one of the empty chairs and picked up a small piece of bread. He didn't really feel all that hungry, . He bit into the soft texture and chewed slowly. His throat was sore from the lack of water he hadn't been drinking, so swallowing without some sort of pain was out of the question. The food seemed to wedge itself in his windpipe, causing him to cough a little. He narrowed his eyes at the remaining amount of bread and put it back down. That one mouthful had already put him off his meal.  

Maybe he should leave early, he had to put his gear on anyway. He slipped through the horde of cadets, not daring to look back and make eye contact with anyone. Mikasa would definitely be on his case regarding the lack of food he was consuming. 

He fiddled with the straps of his gear, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. The ones on his legs were already done, as he could reach forward and do those easily. He wrapped the upper straps around his arms and secured them, right on his chest, not too tight though. He'd made the mistake of tightening them too much once during training. He struggled to breathe that entire day, not to mention sore limbs as well. With a dull sigh, he walked off to join the others for todays training. 

 

Maybe this time he would manage to please Levi, that would mean the world to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg thank u so much to everyone that had read this n left kudos !!  
> it makes me rly happy n it encourages me to write more <3


	3. fatigue

A strenuous day of training was enough to kick all his high hopes out of him. He walked down the hallway to his 'room'. Eren loathed the fact all the other cadets got to rest in actual dorms, whilst he was trapped down here in the dungeon, behind bars as if he'd committed a crime. There hadn't been a single night where he had transformed, yet they wanted to be ' _cautious'_. Goosebumps arose on his skin at the frigid air, he was only in his pyjamas after all. It wasn't fucking fair. Eren didn't _choose_ to become a titan, it just happened by chance. 

He settled on the side of his unmade bed and gazed at his fists which were clenched loosely. The teenager was waiting for Levi to come and chain him up, once again . . though he didn't mind as long as it was only the raven who did it and no one else. His wrists were bruised blue and purple, thanks to how much he fidgeted during his restless nights. 

The brunette could hardly keep his eyes open, his entire body ached with intense pain. He endeavoured until he had reached his limits, but why wasn't it ever _enough_? Eren questioned himself daily. 

Levi appeared as usual, snapping the metal cuffs around his blemished skin. He chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to peer into the male's eyes. Unfortunately, his raven locks shadowed the view of his silver orbs, which made Eren grunt in frustration. The titan shifter had never seen them up close before, they must look even prettier this close. He really wasn't the best at controlling his emotions, often falling submissive to them. He was the type to go all out expressing them, not giving a single shit if they offended anyone. But this was _captain Levi_ , he should've been more attentive. 

He cringed at his actions, hoping that his superior hadn't perceived the embarrassing noise he'd just made. Levi's head snapped around to glare at him, eyebrows narrowed to display irritation. " . . Sorry," the brunette stammered, taken aback by his grey hues. His own eyes widened at the sight, unable to control the intense excitement burning up inside him. 

"Tsk. What are you staring at . . ?"

The corporal's question slithered right through his ears, barely audible to him in his current state. Eren was sedated by his captivating light eyes, unable to utter a word in response. He broke away from his trance when Levi tightened the second cuff and wrenched himself away from the teenager, a blank expression clouding his face, betraying no emotions. 

Hurt prickled at his skin. Was he really that dangerous? So bad that even humanity's strongest had to act like his life was on the line when he was with him? 

"Goodnight, brat." And with that, the corporal was gone.  

He barely got a change to wish him a good evening, he seemed to be in a rush for some reason. But if that was the case, why would he be in a rush everyday? A low noise coming from his stomach distracted him. He should've attempted to eat a little more. Though he couldn't help feeling so distant today . . .

He laid his head on the rough pillow, shifting around to try and get comfortable. Wrapping the thin sheet of fabric around his shrivelling body, Eren closed his eyes. The interlocked pieces of metal draped over his shoulders as his hands curled up against his chest. He truly wished he didn't feel the way he did about Levi. The older male meant everything to him and affected mostly all of his actions. Everything he did was in a vain attempt to impress the corporal. 

He could feel tears building up in corners of his eyes. He couldn't take it anymore, how was he supposed to deal with these feelings? Eren had never liked anyone as much as he liked Levi, at this point it was way more than a simple crush. A quiet sob escaped his lips, he was so thankful no one was here to see him break down like this. Rivers of saline tears ran down his cheeks just as he brought his hand to his mouth, muffling his faint cries. 

He had to loose his feelings somehow . . but he'd already tried every option he could think of. He was well aware that Levi had no feelings for him whatsoever, in fact, he hated every inch of his existence. Eren would sometimes imagine the frustration in his sleep deprived eyes, only to help him overcome his fondness for the male. He'd try again, if he associated negative thoughts with the raven, he'd loose his feelings in no time, right . . ?

 

It was definitely worth a shot . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm seriously so grateful for all ur support, i hope i never loose the inspiration to continue writing this fic !!  
> i'll try and post updates as soon as i can.  
> ty for sticking around <33


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